Baby showers to stop gendering unborn fetuses
LOS ANGELES – At today’s National Meeting of Expectant Mothers, which was again spearheaded by US Weekly’s Most Perfect Mom of the Year Blake Lively, women from around the country proposed an end to a timeless tradition: gendering unborn fetuses.
In recent years, parents-to-be have been forced to devise increasingly extreme ways to reveal the “gender” of unborn fetuses, with expectant mothers saying it was socially inconceivable to celebrate their pregnancies before learning the fetus’s genitalia. “I knew I was incorrectly conflating my baby’s gender with its sex,” said Mandy Momson, 23. “But serial one-upsmanship and pervasive sexism compelled me to repaint my four-story house pink to please my Instagram followers.”
When they discovered their fetus had a penis, Gloria and Josh Frasier dove headfirst into plans for their baby shower. “We’re thinking of making a tiny pipe bomb that releases blue, heteronormative smoke on detonation,” said Gloria. “It’s on my Pinterest board.”
Speaking to a crowd of 430 meeting attendees, Lively discussed baby shower color schemes, suggesting mothers rethink traditional pinks and blues, which have somehow become associated with vaginas and penises, respectively.
“What about, purple, orange, or seafoam green?” Lively questioned. “Don’t you all think it’s a little weird to throw a party for your fetus’s genitals?”