“Irony” calls on Trump to stop Tweeting about Hillary Clinton, saying: “I need a break”
THE DICTIONARY -- On Monday, "Irony," the noun, issued a stinging press release calling on failed candidate Donald J. Trump to stop tweeting slanderous nonsense about President Hillary Rodham Clinton.
"It's exhausting. Every time that horrible man accuses Hillary Clinton of evil actions that he himself is guilty of, I get implicated. It's unbearable, too painful - a textbook case of Trump projecting his own failings onto a woman who's out of his league. I want nothing to do with him. Make it stop," Irony said.
Over the weekend, Trump issued a series of furious Tweets alleging that Clinton, who defeated him in November's election by 3 million votes, is sexually attracted to own her daughter, insisting that she's going to jail and claiming that she has a tiny, tiny penis.
Irony is fed up.
"Everyone knows Clinton is a liberal hero who beat him by 3 million votes. She's a good, wonderful, moral person who loves her daughter Chelsea and has time and again proved to be innocent of every ridiculous, misogynist, stupid fucking thing that Republicans have ever accused her, " said Irony. "Throughout her stunning, courageous career as an unabashedly liberal public servant, Clinton has shown she has ovaries of steel and I imagine she has a magnificent, perfectly-sized vagina. It's Trump who's a criminal, a loser, and a failure endowed male genitals that are comically small," Irony said.
According to Irony's press release, Irony hasn't been this painfully overworked since the 1996 release of Alanis Morissette's hit album, Jagged Little Pill, which featured the single, "Ironic."
"I thought it was bad enough when people were misusing me - thanks to Alanis, in the '90s, everyone thought I was a synonym for 'unlucky.' She meant unlucky! But thanks to Trump, what I'm going through now is worse, borderline tragic. I don't want to be involved in his psychopathic Twitter ramblings. Someone, please, issue a restraining order, so he can never malign beautiful Hillary Clinton again."