Trump calls on Congress to abolish history, citing its "strong pro-Hillary bias"
WASHINGTON D.C. -- On Tuesday, failed presidential candidate Donald J. Trump called on Congress to abolish history, citing its strong "pro-Hillary bias," referring to President Hillary Rodham Clinton, who defeated him in November's election by 3 million votes.
On Twitter, Trump railed against history, saying history is unfairly making Hillary, his former opponent, "look really, really good," while framing him as a delusional rapist monster afflicted by mental illness, substance abuse issues, and erectile dysfunction. He claimed it's, "absolute B.S. that history is showing me to be a corrupt, illiterate, and venal traitor, while it's calling her an inspiring, historic and much-wronged exemplar of civic virtue who's been found innocent of every charge."
Trump accused history of collaborating with his long-time nemesis, facts, to destroy his reputation after recent polls showed that the overwhelming majority of Americans consider him a "liar," "psychopath," and "criminal," while viewing President Clinton as: "inspiring," "honest," intellectually cogent," "stunningly competent," "progressive," "incredibly virtuous," and "the best president of all time."
Trump said this is unacceptable, insisting that history is "rigged" against him. He urged history books across the country to immediately cut all ties to the truth, calling their relationship "insidious," "troubling," and "implacably hostile to me and other conservatives." As an example, he pointed to Russia, where history "has been abolished since 1984," and news programming consists of one insecure man's egomaniacal projections.
"Like history, facts, and women, truth has no place in modern society," he said. "We must banish them, degrade them, and make war on them, until 2+2=5, which is the math I use for tax reform."