Clinton declares Galentine's Day a federal holiday
WASHINGTON D.C. -- On Monday, February 13th, 2017, President Hillary Rodham Clinton officially declared "Galentine's Day" a nationally recognized federal holiday.
White House Press Secretary Leslie Jones said Clinton would observe Galentine's Day later Monday evening by having "way too many drinks" with Retta and Amy Poehler, the stars of NBC's glorious feminist government comedy "Parks and Recreation." Jones said the evening would likely end with Clinton, Retta and Poehler hitting the clubs with D.C.'s preeminent "pussy posse" of powerful single ladies, an illustrious club that includes Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and White House Chief of Staff Huma Abedin.
First Gentleman Bill Clinton is reportedly not invited to the evening's festivities, and a spokesman for the East Wing acknowledged that while the former president "is bonkers for Retta and a believer in "Treat Yo Self," he absolutely does not mind being excluded from the very first White House Galentine's Day celebration."