Cheese plate crisis averted: Bill Clinton turns to French Ambassador
WASHINGTON -- According to a new report in Le Monde, French Ambassador Gérard Araud diffused a major crisis at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue this week after the career diplomat answered an emergency call from an unknown White House number that turned out to be First Gentleman Bill Clinton.
East Wing sources tell Le Monde that the First Gentleman was determined to prepare a stupendous and romantic surprise five-course dinner for President Clinton, and all was going well, until the former president began trying to orchestrate the final course: cheese.
On being confronted by a cheese board, apparently an unfamiliar technology, Bill Clinton reportedly was stumped, yelling "What is this? I'm a Rhodes Scholar, dammit!" and, losing faith in himself, allegedly went into a frenzy, throwing cheese around the White House kitchen while screaming, "all I want is to be a good husband!"
After thirty minutes of tears and anxiety, Bill finally called Gérard Araud, the French Ambassador to the United States - who Bill has called “a close personal friend and all around good dude” - for advice.
After a twenty-minute phone conversation with Araud, staffers said Bill Clinton looked "visibly more relaxed,” at which point he quickly took the White House motorcade to Whole Foods to buy the correct cheeses to fill his luscious cheese board.
That night, President Hillary Rodham Clinton was reportedly thrilled with the cheese course, and Foreign Policy is hailing Bill’s decision to reach out to the French Ambassador as “a prime example of the importance of diplomacy in modern America” as well as “an excellent example of First Gentlemanly behavior.”