Illegal immigrant defeats Ann Coulter at Jeopardy!
LOS ANGELES – It was a long night for Ann Coulter, the conservative provocateur who decided to compete on Jeopardy to raise money for an NGO called “Fascists Against Muslims Flying in Planes.” Fortunately for the future of American integrity, Coulter ended the show at $0, betting and losing everything in the final round, in which she had to answer the question, “True or False: Vaccines save lives” (she answered “False—they cause cancer”).
Adding to the embarrassment, the winner of the night was undocumented immigrant María Martinez, who was participating to raise money for college. When host Alex Trebek asked Martinez whether she recognized her rival contestant, Martinez said, "no."
Martinez credited her win to long hours of studying for the U.S. citizenship exam, which tests hopeful immigrants on elements of U.S. history, policy, and ideals evidently forgotten by Coulter.
To reporters after the show, Coulter expressed concern that the game had relied on fake news and statistics to sway the results in María’s favor. She remarked, “The unemployment rate is not 5 percent. I am telling you it really is over 40 percent!” When asked in Double Jeopardy who currently serves as 45th President of the United States, Coutler mistakenly replied “Donald Trump.” In reality, President Hillary Clinton devastated failed candidate Trump this past November, defeating him by a crushing 3 million votes.
Coulter has called on her Twitter fans to boycott Jeopardy, the latest crusade by snowflakes on the far right who are seemingly unable to accept the increasingly equitable and prosperous country led by Democrats.