Westboro Baptist Church admits God loved Jesus, his very gay son
TOPEKA -– In a dramatic theological reversal, Westboro Baptist Church, a religious organization known for its excoriating hatred of LGBTQIA people, Catholics, Orthodox Christians, Muslims, Jews, Dominos pizza delivery girls and golden retriever puppies, now accepts that "God indeed loves gays," according to a rare press release.
An insider reports that Westboro Baptist Church’s newfound tolerance for gays came about after a Bible study group reexamined the New Testament and members discovered the holy text was, "rife with evidence confirming that Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, was gay as fuck."
After a heated discussion, the Bible study group was forced to conclude that, "Jesus was born that way. God made him that way. And God loved his own gay son."
A Westboro spokesman played down the profundity of the group's theological departure, trying to spin the Church's new public embrace of gays as consistent with its previous track record of protesting the funerals of dead gay soldiers.
“Clearly, what we were doing worked. The gays are saved now. Truthfully the homosexuals and whatever the rest of them are called... BLTs? The BLTs should be thanking us,” said Fred Phelps, the founder of the Church.