Julian Assange endorses rhythm method
LONDON -- Wikileaks founder and alleged sexual predator Julian Assange broke his silence Wednesday to officially endorse the rhythm method. Speaking to followers via Russian satellite, Assange denounced condoms, claiming the life-saving prophylactic is "an American imperialist conspiracy invented by President Hillary Rodham Clinton to which no man can submit and be truly free."
Assange, who continues to evade arrest in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London after multiple women accused him of sexual assault in Sweden, said he was tired of women's oppressive insistence on men sheathing their penises.
"Any woman who refuses the gift of my seed is an American Imperialist hack who does not deserve my three strands of HPV," he said.