Millions of southerners surrounded by snowflakes as Winter Storm Rodham sweeps through the country
NASHVILLE -- Americans across the southeast United States found themselves surrounded by snowflakes this week after Winter Storm Rodham brought record-shattering snowfall levels of up to five feet.
“These snowflakes need to snap out of their alternative reality,” said Juliet Graham, an anchorwoman at the local Fox News station in Bowling Green, Kentucky. “Besides, I thought snowflakes loved diversity. Look at these hypocrites -- they’re all white!”
Whether Graham’s critiques were aimed at the winter storm or her political adversaries is unclear. Nevertheless, her comments represent a right-wing storm of their own, brewed by individuals seemingly unaware that Hillary Clinton won the presidential election by three million votes.
Prior to the storm, Fox News stations across the South advised residents to disregard government storm warnings, claiming that they were “fake news” intended to keep residents indoors while the government sprayed mind-control chemicals into the air.
In Nashville, a protest against Winter Storm Rodham formed after organizers found a safe space for protesting. “We’re sick and tired of snowflakes that think they’re so unique and special, so we’re making our voices heard,” said protest organizer Tim Clowe. “In particular, we’re horrified at the way they keep humping each other. God doesn’t condone that type of scandalous behavior!” (God declined HillaryBeatTrump’s request to comment on Clowe’s statement.)
“I need to get away from all these snowflakes until they melt,” revealed protester William Mahoney. “The only other respectable nation out there is Russia -- but I hear they have snowflakes all year round, not just in the winter.”
Virginia was the only southern state unaffected by Winter Storm Rodham; it enjoyed sunny 60-degree weather throughout the week. Some news sources have speculated that this anomaly could be connected to the fact that Virginia was the only southeastern state to vote for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election.