GOP congressmen diagnosed with ITFE Disorder (Inability to Feel Empathy Disorder)
WASHINGTON D.C. -- Dr. Aaina Mansoor, Director of DC’s Institute for Psychiatric Disorders, confirmed today a recent surge of Inability to Feel Empathy Disorder (ITFE), particularly in the D.C. area. ITFE robs affected individuals of their capacity for empathy and compassion.
To protect the privacy of her patients, Dr. Mansoor could not comment on specific cases. But in the interest of public health, she did say that nearly 250 Republican House members and senators, including Paul Ryan, are now being treated at the Institute for ITFE. This number includes every single Republican U.S. senator except for John McCain and Lindsey Graham.
To date, recorded instances of ITFE have been contained to Republicans, while no cases have been observed among Democrats, Libertarians, Independents, or adherents of the American Vegetarian Party. A major component of treatment will consist of affected individuals making daily visits to local centers for abused women, homeless shelters, chemotherapy wards, and several inner city schools.
This revelation comes at a particularly damning point in the history of the Republican Party. After being fractured by the failed presidential candidacy of Donald Trump, Republicans are scrambling to innovate new ways to obstruct government and exert their moralistic attitudes on the American public. Just this week, bills have been introduced to eliminate Medicaid, bomb public schools, and murder women seeking an abortion.
Dr. Mansoor and her team hope that treatment will help our leaders empathize with the American people by the time the next election cycle comes around.