Paul Ryan quits part-time job at Soul Cycle
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Paul Ryan has quit his side job as a Soul Cycle instructor after just three weeks. Ryan blamed the intensity of the schedule and feedback from clients as the main reasons for his resignation.
“They wanted me to work a full eight hour shift. That’s borderline illegal,” Ryan complained to reporters.
Ryan reportedly accepted the job to appeal to middle class voters in his home district, who have begun to consider him entitled and elitist.
“The ladies in the class left constructive criticisms in the feedback box, which I didn’t appreciate either. I don’t like to be told how to do my job,” Ryan revealed. “One lady told me I need to have more energy during class and another wondered how I was able to stay on the bike with no spine,” Ryan continued. “I just find these comments uncalled for.”
Ryan’s manager, Hayden Mumford-Maroney is less than pleased with Ryan’s performance hence far: “The dude refused to work more than 20 hours a week. I know Congress likes its time off, but welcome to the real world, bro.” Mumford-Maroney also commented on Ryan’s lack of customer service skills. “This asshole refused to help anyone in any of his classes. He’s honestly the worst. I know he likes working out, but becoming a Soul Cycle instructor without having a soul might have been a bad idea.”