Steve Bannon mistaken for beached whale
SAN CLEMENTE, CA— Tourists and local surfers received quite the shock Wednesday morning when a suspected beached whale suddenly yawned, stretched, climbed to its feet, and headed toward the parking lot saying he was late for his Klan meeting.
"We were sure the whale was dead! But it turned out to be Steve Bannon," said San Clemente resident Dane Fontana.
Fontana was out surfing with friends when they spied what they believed to be a giant steaming pile of whale remains on the beach. As they approached the blubbery carcass, they smell of decomposing flesh made them further concerned.
“It was like the worst garbage smell you can think of,” Fontana said. “I almost threw up. It was like death, man.”
The stink was so acute, no one wanted to approach the body, including Ian Forsby, captain of an Ocean Institute research vessel.
But then the supposedly dead animal roused itself from its stupor and started yelled at the crowd, "I'm Steve Bannon! Never count me out!"
As it turned out, the former Breitbart editor and campaign manager for failed presidential candidate Donald Trump was vacationing in the area, and fell asleep on the beach while trying to get some much-needed sun.
No explanations were offered for the stench.
Fontana said she warned Bannon to stay away from the beach, given that it's shark season.
Bannon yelled, "I love Great Whites! Whites are the greatest!" and walked off muttering, "I shall rise again! I shall!"