Sarah Palin tells interviewer God killed the “atheistic” dinosaurs
WASILLA, ALASKA -- Former beauty pageant participant and mayor Sarah Palin stunned a local Alaskan news station this week when she insisted God killed the dinosaurs because “they didn’t accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.”
Palin, who was supposed to be promoting Wasilla’s new science museum, said her former running mate John McCain’s biggest mistake was his refusal to accept that dinosaurs were “deeply atheistic.”
The interviewer, clearly puzzled by this statement, responded by asking, “So you’re telling me you think dinosaurs are extinct because they didn’t believe in God?”
Palin replied: “Yes, they were likely Satan worshippers and Hillary Clinton supporters. Haven’t you seen Jurassic Park? Dinosaurs would not be welcomed into the Kingdom of Heaven.”
The news anchor asked Alaska’s former Governor to clarify her asinine comments: “Dinosaurs were a bunch of atheistic punks trying to ruin America with their Godless terror. Adam and Eve were just a couple of proud American Christians trying to raise their kids to value guns and snow machines, until the dinosaurs ate them. Dinosaurs came over from Russia and refused to adapt to our way of life. So God killed them.”
At this point, the interviewer looked straight into the camera, her face a pointed mixture of confusion and disbelief reminiscent of Jim Halpert of The Office.
Palin, who has been called the irrelevant Alaskan, predicted that America was headed for another Big Bang now that Hillary Rodham Clinton is president after she won the November’s election by three million votes.