Clinton enacts detailed policies reforming Daylight Savings Time, her quiet passion

Clinton enacts detailed policies reforming Daylight Savings Time, her quiet passion

WASHINGTON D.C. -- This March, Daylight Savings Time will go into effect as usual. But this spring, there’s a parent-friendly twist thanks to President Hillary Rodham Clinton - the working mother and famous policy nerd whose "quiet passion" for Daylight Savings Time reform has finally found public expression. 

Per an executive order signed by President Hillary Rodham Clinton, this year, the switch will happen at 2 pm on Monday, March 13, rather than 2 am on Sunday, March 12. 

“Hardworking Americans do not need to lose one hour of sleep due under this administration,” Clinton said in a statement announcing the order.

In addition to rescheduling Daylight Savings Time from the wee morning hours to the afternoon, Clinton also moved the switch from Sunday to Monday, a common-sense reform that parents are calling, "momentous," "merciful," and "the tiny miracle we've been praying for." 

White House Press Secretary Leslie Jones told reporters that Clinton is optimistic that moving Daylight Savings Time from a weekend morning to a weekday afternoon will increase "sanity-levels for parents and employees nationwide." 

“This White House refuses to take time away from your hard-earned weekend,” she said. “If time must be lost, it will be lost from the workday.”

“Many of us are parents of young children,” she said. “We know how brutal it is to basically enforce jetlag on a young family. We hope that the actions outlined under President Clinton’s order will somewhat alleviate this pain as we pursue options for next year.”

Jones said going forward, the president in fact favors scrapping Daylight Savings Time altogether, no matter the political cost - a move that Vox's Ezra Klein is already calling "too dramatic to countenance." Jones defended Clinton's granular command of Daylight Savings Time policies, saying she has "literally read every single white paper about Daylight Savings Time reform published in the last 20 years. The topic consumes her. And honestly, she's unconvinced by the academic literature. To hell with Ezra Klein."

For now, Clinton's executive order guarantees that hourly workers will be continue to be compensated for the new "missing hour" via the Social Security fund, which is swelling with surplus funds following Clinton's raising taxes on the super-wealthy.

"Unemployment has fallen to less than one percent under Clinton," said Jones. "We can afford to be generous."

Everyone, regardless of employment, will also receive a voucher for one pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.  

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