Hillary Beat Trump
In press release, Chlamydia calls Alex Jones "disgusting"

In press release, Chlamydia calls Alex Jones "disgusting"

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A particularly advanced strain of Chlamydia just shocked the world by holding a press conference and calling right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones "disgusting." 

The STD went on to argue that Jones has been far worse for women than its disease ever has. The strain pointed out that while its symptoms are curable, Jones causes permanent reproductive damage to anyone who listens to his rants for longer than 30 seconds.

The Chlamydia strain advises total abstinence from "Infowars," the radio show in which Jones has theorized that Antonin Scalia was murdered, the Orlando nightclub shooting was orchestrated by the Obama administration, and the government uses a weather machine to unleash tornados and hurricane upon its citizens. 

Failed presidential candidate Donald Trump found the press conference amusing. From a hotel room in Moscow, he tweeted about the STD in excruciating detail. "@AlexJones -- don't let it get to you. I've had Chlamydia before...TWICE. It's weak. I destroyed it bigly." 

After finishing its comments about Jones, the Chlamydia strain cleared its throat, wiped its mouth with a handkerchief, and then apologized for any inconvenience it has caused among the American public. 

OPINION -- I guess Obama never took our guns after all

OPINION -- I guess Obama never took our guns after all

Texas sprints to test its rape kit backlog ahead of Clinton’s visit

Texas sprints to test its rape kit backlog ahead of Clinton’s visit