Lindsay Lohan completes 13th step, invents hangover cure
LONDON -- Former child actress Lindsay Lohan announced on Monday that she had at last completed the "13th step" of her 12-step substance abuse recovery program: inventing a hangover cure.
Lohan is currently seeking a patent for her groundbreaking concoction. While humans have worked on finding a hangover cure for over two millennia, until Lohan, the achievement had eluded modern science.
The Bloody Mary industry is opposing Lohan's patent application, but others are lobbying on its behalf, including Skinny Girl Margaritas and Charlie Sheen.
In an interview, Lohan said her motivation was altruistic.
"I did not want my contribution to the world to be limited to Mean Girls and serving as a cautionary tabloid tale about the dangers of alcoholism. I wanted to accomplish something more profound," Lohan told TMZ.
After spending years in Hollywood purgatory, Lohan said once again, the big boys are calling. She's currently mulling development offers from Merck and Abbott Laboratories and is already in talks with OWN about marketing.