Clinton signs bold "One Plug" law requiring all cell phones to have the same goddamned charger

WASHINGTON D.C. -- On Friday, President Hillary Rodham Clinton signed into law a bill requiring cell phone manufacturers standardize cell phone charging technology.

"From this day forward, when an American loses her cell phone charger, she will no longer be forced to shell out $30 online or at a retail store in order to charge her goddamn phone," Clinton told reporters, who broke out in a spontaneous round of applause.

"Why does a Samsung Galaxy need a different plug than an iPhone? Why can't friends share a charger? This is the country that put a man on the moon. Why haven't we figured out how to charge all cell phones the same way, and cheaply?" she said.

"Thanks to this legislation, all cell phones will have the same holes for power, and all chargers will fit into that hole," said Clinton. "This is the beauty of electricity, of regulation, and of common sense design."

While 99 percent of the public supports the universal cell phone charger bill, it was met with fierce opposition from cell phone manufacturers, who make "billions of dollars every year by preventing consumers who temporarily forget or misplace their cell phone chargers to borrow their friends or colleagues," according to Mel Garrison, president of lobbying group, Unnecessary Technological Obsolescence Makes Money.