Americans' demand for anti-depressants hits all-time low
THE HAGUE -- For the first time in history, the United States boasts the official title of "happiest country in the world," according to the World Happiness Index, an annual inventory of global bonhomie released Wednesday by the United Nations.
Researchers said they were shocked and delighted to see America dethrone Norway after surging 13 spots up the list from 2016. "We've never seen something like this. What is going on in America?" said the UN's lead global gaiety researcher Greta Van Bruen.
The announcement comes just a day after the Centers for Disease Control announced that Americans' dependence on antidepressants and anxiety medication had declined for the first time in 45 years, with demand for Prozac, Xanax, Zoloft, and Wellbutrin plummeting among Democrats in particular.
"All the data shows that we Americans are a healthier, more upbeat, less downcast people," said the CDC's Acting Director Anne Schuchat.
Many health researchers attribute Americans' bulging ebullience to the national mood since President Hillary Rodham Clinton was sworn in in January after defeating failed candidate Donald Trump by 3 millions votes in November, ushering in a time of unparalleled calm.
In her first 150 days, Clinton has succeeded in raising the federal minimum wage to $12, ending college debt, shutting down the Dakota Pipeline, raising taxes on the wealthy, appointing former president Barack Obama to the Supreme Court, declaring America a "sanctuary nation," mandating paid parental leave, and strengthening the Voting Rights Act.
"I just feel very chill right now," said Mary Lennox, a representative Democrat living in Georgia Sixth.
According to the World Happiness Index, Americans' happiness may be contagious: Remarkably, researchers say, the vast majority of countries in the world experienced increased happiness, a trend that accelerated in late January, with the biggest gains concentrated among NATO countries and Mexico.
Importantly, Russia is one of the few countries that has yet seen no happiness surge.