Donald Trump Jr. says he only colluded with Russia because of “intense competition with Jared”
MANHATTAN -- All hell broke loose on Monday morning after the New York Times published a damning new report revealing that Donald Trump Jr. colluded Russia to steal November's election from President Hillary Rodham Clinton by meeting with infamously corrupt Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya.
Now, Trump Jr. is defending himself on Twitter, claiming that he only took the "admittedly treasonous" meeting because of "intense feelings of competition with Jared."
"I just wanted to be Daddy's favorite little boy for once," Don Jr. said, before describing a bitter rivalry between him and his brother-in-law, Jared Kushner, whose "disturbingly close" relationship with failed GOP candidate Donald Trump has caused turmoil amongst Trump's children, including his half-sister, Tiffany.
Don Jr. said that when it came to vying for his father's affections, it was tough to compete with Kushner, whose "relentless criminal campaign to partner with Russia to defeat Hillary Rodham Clinton at the ballot box, undermine American democracy, and contravene the will of the American people really impressed daddy. In some ways, I'm the real victim, " Trump Jr. said, before lawyering up seconds later.
Trump Jr.'s decision to retain a lawyer comes just two days after Jared hired an entire law firm to defend him in court on charges of treason, causing Vogue to speculate that criminal defense attorneys have finally replaced Gordon Gekko haircuts as the new “must have” status symbol within the Trump family.
According to Trump Jr.'s lawyers, accusations that he committed treason by trying to get an enemy foreign power to steal the 2016 election from President Hillary Rodham Clinton are "highly unfair, as Don Jr. is clearly too incompetent to steal an election - after all, she won November's election in a 3 million vote landslide."