In modern Russia, land of opportunity, a third-rate judo player realizes his true potential, serial killing
MOSCOW -- On Wednesday, the Kremlin releases, "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin," a moving documentary about social mobility in post-Soviet Russia that shows a failed judoka able to realize his true potential, serial killing, all thanks to the modern Russian state.
Already, commentators like Charles Manson are calling the movie "inspiring," noting that since Putin took power in Russia in 2000, he's killed as many as 200 journalists, including luminaries like Anna Politkovskaya and Natalia Estemirova.
Meanwhile, judo experts are finding Putin's trajectory from unequivocal loser to architect of the Chechen genocide equally astounding.
"Look, Putin is is truly terrible at judo," said Lawfare's Benjamin Wittes, a well-known judo expert. "Watch any video of him pretending to fight, and it's impossible to feel physically threatened. The idea that he could fail so abysmally as a man, fighter and athlete but somehow go on to become one of the world's most prolific serial killers is indeed a powerful commentary on the extraordinary opportunities that have presented themselves to Russians since the USSR collapsed."
At one point in the movie, Putin looks deeply into the camera and offers his glorious vision for modern Russia, which, as he describes it, will be an exciting post-Communist society combining Joseph Stalin's death count with the "most disgusting excesses of capitalism."
Judging by Russian diplomats' ever-shrinking life-expectancy, Putin is well on his way to achieving that dream on behalf of his people.