FDA blocks new women’s sleep aid designed by “unconsciousness experts” Brock Turner and Bill Cosby
WASHINGTON D.C. -- On Monday, the Food and Drug Administration blocked approval for a new women's sleep aid designed by Brock Turner, the Stanford University rapist, and his celebrity mentor, Bill Cosby.
In a press release, Cosby and Turner touted their world-beating "expertise in female unconsciousness" as proof that their new drug, Blackout Rx, would be backed up by "cutting edge science." In their FDA application, Cosby and Turner went so far as to boast that "our little blue pill is poised to revolutionize the pharmaceutical industry by marketing women's sleep aids to a demographic that Big Pharma has long ignored, discounted and under-served: rapists."
Before health officials quashed Blackout Rx's bid for FDA approval, pharmaceutical company lobbyists hailed Blackout Rx as a potential "game-changer" with the power to "usher in a new era of male-supremacy by addressing men's number one medical problem with women: consciousness."
"When it comes to facilitating non-consensual sex, based on market research, we think Blackout Rx could eclipse Viagra, Tindr, Snapchat Maps, rohypnol, and duct tape as the go-to technology of sexual predators," said pharmabro Martin Shkreli, who financed the drug's development with angel investors in Silicon Valley, including anti-woman activists Peter Thiel and Trevor Kalanick.
FDA Commissioner Ina Garten - who President Hillary Rodham Clinton appointed in January after defeating failed GOP candidate Donald Trump by 3 million votes - said the FDA would "never, ever approve a drug like Blackout Rx." In a press release, Garten said that with men like Cosby and Turner roaming the streets, "Women can't afford to go to sleep."