North Korea celebrates American Independence Day with biggest, most phallic firework, ever
PYONGYANG - North Korean state media confirmed today that the world's most brutal and hermetic regime successfully launched an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile on Kim Jong Un's orders Monday night - one that experts say has the capacity to reach the U.S. mainland.
President Hillary Rodham Clinton, who was coordinating an American response with generals in the Situation Room, did not immediately comment on the missile launch. But senior State Department officials who spoke to the Washington Post about Kim Jong Un on the condition of anonymity said the intelligence agencies are interpreting the missile launch as "yet another bizarre overture to his fashion idol, Hillary Clinton, whose platonic friendship and social approval Kim Jong Un desperately seeks."
In a public statement before thousands huddled in Kim IL Sung square, North Korean Supreme Leader, Kim Jong Un, told the crowd that, “in a tribute to the powerful aesthetics of the United States of America, we, the people of Korea, dedicate our own firework in celebration to the American Independence day!”
According to the CIA, tellingly, his pantsuit strongly resembled the one Clinton wore the previous day.
Reports suggest the dictator hopes to detonate an ICBM firework, which he promises will "explode with beautiful colors - red, white and blue - over a densely populated area, like Seoul or Tokyo. That way many people will be able to appreciate the beauty of American values, like bold color pallette,” said Jong Un.
Un was spotted early on the fourth buying the pricey ICBM under a tent in a grocery store parking lot.