President Hillary Rodham Clinton

Hillary Beat Trump

Hillary Rodham Clinton: America's 45th President.

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Voldermort denies Boris's paternity

Sep 25

Sep 25 Voldermort denies Boris's paternity

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Clinton and Merkel achieve world peace by syncing menstrual cycles

Sep 1

Sep 1 Clinton and Merkel achieve world peace by syncing menstrual cycles

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Lannisters call Trump family “an embarrassment to monarchy”

Jul 19

Jul 19 Lannisters call Trump family “an embarrassment to monarchy”

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Clinton announces she'll run for re-election in 2020

Jun 17

Jun 17 Clinton announces she'll run for re-election in 2020

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Fascists disappointed by robust state of American democracy

May 22

May 22 Fascists disappointed by robust state of American democracy

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Domestic Policy

Police declare ceasefire on black teens

May 5

May 5 Police declare ceasefire on black teens

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Domestic Policy

Ironically, germs recoil from Donald Trump

Apr 24

Apr 24 Ironically, germs recoil from Donald Trump

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Domestic Policy

First world miracle: Russian diplomats' life expectancy increases to 46.2 years, "same as under Stalin"

Apr 2

Apr 2 First world miracle: Russian diplomats' life expectancy increases to 46.2 years, "same as under Stalin"

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Innocent, law-abiding fifth graders disavow Trump comparisons: "That illiterate poopy-pants is nothing like us"

Sep 6

Sep 6 Innocent, law-abiding fifth graders disavow Trump comparisons: "That illiterate poopy-pants is nothing like us"

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Domestic Policy

Malcolm Gladwell reluctantly nominates Malcolm Gladwell for the MacArthur Genius Grant

Sep 4

Sep 4 Malcolm Gladwell reluctantly nominates Malcolm Gladwell for the MacArthur Genius Grant

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Clinton nominates Barack Obama to join his wife on Supreme Court - ensuring a liberal majority for generations

Jul 10

Jul 10 Clinton nominates Barack Obama to join his wife on Supreme Court - ensuring a liberal majority for generations

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Domestic Policy

Championing traditional family values, Clinton abolishes ICE. Meanwhile, GOP castigates her notorious "pro-baby" agenda

Jul 9

Jul 9 Championing traditional family values, Clinton abolishes ICE. Meanwhile, GOP castigates her notorious "pro-baby" agenda

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Domestic Policy

Paul Ryan abruptly quits speakership, vows to fight necrophilia charges involving Ayn Rand's corpse

Apr 18

Apr 18 Paul Ryan abruptly quits speakership, vows to fight necrophilia charges involving Ayn Rand's corpse

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Porn star admits to intellectually stimulating relationship with "long-term pen pal," Hillary Clinton

Apr 14

Apr 14 Porn star admits to intellectually stimulating relationship with "long-term pen pal," Hillary Clinton

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Leaked FBI memo claims crafty Trump only asked prostitutes for "golden showers" to conceal his own massive pee stains

Feb 1

Feb 1 Leaked FBI memo claims crafty Trump only asked prostitutes for "golden showers" to conceal his own massive pee stains

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Domestic Policy

Alabama election officials turn Roy Moore away from polling station citing its "close proximity" to a junior high school

Dec 12

Dec 12 Alabama election officials turn Roy Moore away from polling station citing its "close proximity" to a junior high school

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Harvey Weinstein found dead in hotel bathroom; masseuse says she acted in self-defense

Dec 7

Dec 7 Harvey Weinstein found dead in hotel bathroom; masseuse says she acted in self-defense

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Colin Kaepernick signs $146 million multi-year contract with Chicago Bears

Dec 6

Dec 6 Colin Kaepernick signs $146 million multi-year contract with Chicago Bears

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Franken refuses to resign, but offers to switch parties

Dec 6

Dec 6 Franken refuses to resign, but offers to switch parties

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Trump calls on Congress to abolish history, citing its "strong pro-Hillary bias"

Dec 5

Dec 5 Trump calls on Congress to abolish history, citing its "strong pro-Hillary bias"

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Domestic Policy