Ted Cruz demands FBI test water supply at GOP convention for rohypnol, LSD
Senator Ted Cruz is demanding that the FBI open an investigation into allegations that failed Presidential candidate Donald Trump somehow poisoned the water at last year's Republican Convention with date rape drugs and psychadelics before accepting the party's nomination for president.
"I mean, it was craziness," an impassioned Cruz told reporters on Capitol Hill.
"We handed our party over to a crazed rapist bankrupt psychopath, and predictably, he lost in a landslide. The only explanation for our collective insanity is that we were all on drugs that were polluting the water," Cruz insisted.
"I never drink water: that's why I was unaffected," Cruz said.
Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie seconded Cruz's claims, saying, "I was under the influence of something more powerful than amoral opportunism."
